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Feedback & Questions
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11/17 Something's happening & I'm not quite sure what it is. I've been trying to normalize my food, stop smoking, see my nutritionist, therapist, etc.... Once a week. I'm on an anti-depressant. I've put on a lot of weight (10-15 Ibs) I'm not happy about this at all. And it's because my binges are still happening but instead of me restricting severely in between, my nutritionist has been encouraging me to eat normally at the times I feel like restricting. Supposedly my binges are supposed to stop happening as frequently & as intensely. I thought it was working for a while, but as the last month has progressed I find my thighs rubbing together more, my clothes are tighter & my double chin is reappearing. This really sucks! I'm so sick of this. I feel different. But, I know not drinking is the best thing for me right now. There have been moments when I haven't been active in binging or restricting. And those are the times I have felt most active. I have felt a part of the world. Thinking about those moments (Wyoming, the games, parents weekend)... it's like I can almost feel a gust of autumn wind blow across my face. My hair swings back & I can smell the onset of winter. It's incredible. It's the freshest feeling I've ever had. It's how I want every day of my life to be. In order to achieve that I must stop drinking & my eating disorder. Sometimes I think God should have set up humans so that they didn't need food, drink, etc. ... Their source of energy should stem from love. If they were loving to God & people around them, then others would love them back & that's how they would be fed. Then food, alcohol, drugs, etc. wouldn't be around & addictions wouldn't exist. Our bodies would be the way God intended. If they didn't love & weren't kind, then they wouldn't receive the love of others so they would die. Then there would be no bad people & our society would be harmonious. |
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