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SMU Parent Liaison Deanie Kepler offers advice on helping your student.

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As parents of a first-year student, you too have a semester under your belt. No doubt you have checked on your student’s grades and know how he or she did – but how did you do?

Parenting of a college student can be tough stuff. How many of you have longed for the Friday-night lights of high school days gone by? I suspect both you and your household have experienced the ups and downs of the college transition right along with your student. Use this list to check how well you've handled this sometimes bumpy ride.

Reminding, not nagging

• If you reminded your students to go down to the LEC (Learning Enhancement Center) between one and five times, give yourself an “A.” If you reminded them to go more than 20 times, give yourself an “N” – nagging rarely breeds a good result.

All about the Benjamins

• Did you supply your student with limitless financial resources – even when, in your heart of hearts, you questioned an expenditure but were told “Everyone has one” or “Everyone is going”?
  
  If the answer is yes, sadly score yourself with a big “0” – and don’t believe everything your student tells you. Remember, it is OK to say “No!” Developing budgeting skills and learning to manage one’s money is every bit as important a lesson to learn at college as math and science. And in the independent world of the young professional, it may be more important!

Outside the classroom

• Give yourself an “A” if you encouraged your student to:
• get involved in at least one student organization,
• go to the Hegi Family Career Development Center,
• use the new Dedman Center for Lifetime Sports,
• take a flu shot,
• make an appointment to talk with their professors.

Stress testing

• Give yourself an “A” if you did a complete mental examination of your student over the long holiday break. You know their grades, but it is important to assess how they are really doing. Don’t overlook signs of stress – how do they look physically? Are they getting enough sleep? Have they adopted an odd schedule for socializing (odder than “normal” college students, that is)? Are they going through cash faster than usual? Are they talking less often to old friends and family?
  
  Give yourself an “A+” if you have concerns that you think need to be addressed and you are willing to confront them by talking to your student and helping them to avail themselves of the resources here on campus. Resources include the LEC, the Health Center, Counseling and Testing, a caring faculty member, their academic adviser, their RA or hall director, etc. 
  
  All of these people will be happy to talk with parents as well, but you must make the first phone call. (Bonus points for acting sooner rather than later on concerns related to your students' physical and mental health.)

A fresh start

The semester is just beginning, and the scorecard is blank. "Helicopter parenting" requires a new refresher course every semester because, as your students grow and develop, so too do the issues and challenges they face. And if you’re like me, I think we’re fortunate as parents to be along for the ride!

So fasten your seatbelt – another semester is upon us....

Question for Deanie? Ask Deanie at gkepler@smu.edu or 214-768-4797.

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