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Ask Deanie
| Archives Deanie Kepler's previously published columns |
SMU Parent Liaison Deanie Kepler offers advice on helping your student. |
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Messages in a Heart-Shaped Box
February is the month of love – of red hearts, teddy bears, chocolates and those timeless “Conversation Hearts” made by NECCO. As I began writing this column, I couldn’t keep from thinking about the sugary, chalky little candies and, before I knew it, I had car keys in hand and was off to the drugstore for a box.
A warm feeling came over me at the cash register: It’s February, and love is in the air! As usual, I read each heart’s message one by one. Here are some of my favorites and thoughts on their meaning today.
Words of love
- HUG ME: We all need one of these every so often.
- LOVE ME: Love from parents is forever; love from a member of the opposite sex at college may not be. Remind your son or daughter of that “startling” fact.
- GET REAL: Reality is, you can help your student get over life’s heartaches. We all don’t always get what we want, and college is full of social and emotional ups and downs. Persistence and hard work will pay off in the end.
- BE GOOD: Remind them that part of coming to college is learning to be a good citizen – and learning that it’s OK to say “no” to the temptations that abound.
- I’M ME: Celebrate the outstanding young adult your student is becoming.
- E MAIL: Obviously a new message for today’s young adults. I still like to hear a real voice, and I think they do, too. You can learn much from hearing both what they are saying and what they are not saying.
- MY GIRL: Yes, your little girl is growing up into a talented, confident young woman looking for her place in this world.
- MY MAN: Ditto for the young men – they, too, have much to offer this world, but they feel a great deal of pressure.
- TRUE LOVE: Students long for this, but they may not find it where they are looking.
Straight from the heart
Valentine’s gifts don’t have to be fancy; what students need most is parents’ unconditional love and support. It is not at all surprising that students will make some mistakes and bad choices. Your response is critical in helping them learn from those. Sometimes what’s needed is tough love, sometimes a soft shoulder to cry on, sometimes a little time to try to figure it out for themselves. Rarely, however, is handling it for them the right answer.
A many-splendored thing
Your student needs to work out his or her roommate issues; you cannot do it. Your student must redirect his or her priorities and put studying first to be successful; you cannot write that paper or take the test.
If your student receives a judicial violation, isn’t it better for him or her to learn to take responsibility now rather than later in life, when the stakes can be much higher?
Be their cheerleader, be their coach, but, just as important, hold them accountable when they are wrong. Students still need you more as a parent than as a friend.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Question for Deanie? Ask Deanie at gkepler@smu.edu or 214-768-4797.
